I am sorry. I am sorry that for nearly 26 years I have mistreated you. I am sorry I have not given you enough praise for what you can do, and what we have achieved together.
I am sorry for all the times I have called you ugly, fat and disgusting. I am sorry for all the times I have sat on the floor of my room, crying because I felt that if you were only lighter, that only if you took up less space in the world we would be better and more liked.
I am sorry for the times when I have starved you, and left you hungry, just so I could try and find perfection.
I am sorry for putting you through so much at such a young age. At 13 I shouldn’t of thought of my body as anything more than flesh and bones but instead I was sitting on the bathroom floor; grabbing every bit of skin that was touching the cold floor, wishing it all away.
I begged for you to be lighter so we could be beautiful. I thought I’d be filled with a sense of purpose but instead all I did was fill you with a doubt. A doubt that was interlaced into my bones for what felt like an eternity.
I should’ve loved you all along, spreading love in your veins instead of hatred and fear. You have never been told how beautiful and wonderful you are, and I am sorry for that.
I want to tell you I am trying. I am trying to undo all the years of hatred and disgust when I have looked in the mirror. I am trying to love you the way you should be loved and undo all the years of being told that unless you are as light as a feather you are not worthy.
You are worthy. Stretch marks, loose skin and all.
Dear body; do you forgive me? Can you look past all the years of punishment and start again?
I want to thank you for making me who I am; chubby thighs, wobbly bum and all. For growing and giving me these tiger stripes. We earned them together and I don’t regret a single one. We have been through so much and you have kept me strong and loved me enough to keep me alive, breathing. I want to thank you for that.
I want to thank you for every breath you have allowed me to take, every magical moment I have been able to live and witness; all because of you.
This is a love letter to my body; from here on out I got you.
Lots of love, S x
Also featured on The Huffington Post.